Local Muslim Postpones Suicide Attack to Ensure Wife’s Oppression After he’s Dead

In what has become common practice these days among Islamic terrorists, a local Muslim man living in the United States has decided to delay his suicide bomb attack for another month, citing the fact that he needs to ensure his Muslim wife doesn’t stray too far from her place in the world once he’s gone.

“Look, with this so called surge of moderate Muslims around the world today, you can never be too certain.” Said the terrorist. “What if she became accustomed to not wearing her hijab and other men begin to stare at her? What if she feels the urge to speak up? That will not happen under my roof or under the prophet’s word, and until I can ensure her oppression I cannot carry out my attack on Americans.”

When asked how he will ensure her oppression he became emotional, shedding tears that forced him to put down a test detonator that he was working on to wipe his eyes with a tissue. “I do not know. I just- ever since moving to America, people have given us a hard time. It’s like they think we want to blow them up for the fun of it, you know? When really, it’s just our beliefs, the basic teachings of the Quran and Muhammad. I don’t trust America and the Moderate Muslims with my wife. I think I have decided, in this very moment actually, to convince her to blow herself up with me. In the name of the prophet. That way I won’t have to worry about her oppression all the way up until I carry out my attack. I’d rather not feel that anxiety if I don’t have to. Bringing her with me would relieve that and also enable a larger attack”

We requested to speak with the man’s wife but he refused to let her speak or even turn around from her corner in the kitchen to look at us.

Out of respect for the man’s religious beliefs and for the sake of political correctness we decided not to include his name or his wife’s and we did not ask about the details of his attack.

 
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