Earlier this month North Korea released a statement to the world, threatening a nuke strike against America and its allies, South Korea. It marks the thousandth time that such an attack has been threatened by North Korea, and it also marks the thousandth time their empty threats have left the world in an uproar of laughter attacks, yawns and eye rolling. It has become a sort of reality TV show entertainment to the world and everyone can’t help but love the little fat man in a grey suit. This latest threat however, has proven to be deadly. A man in California laughed so hard that both of his lungs collapsed and right after his lungs collapsed an untimely yawn put his brain over the oxygen deprivation threshold and he died immediately. A man in Iowa was also hospitalized after his right lung collapsed, we were able to get a written statement from him and his lawyers:
Have you ever laughed at something so hard, that you feel your back crack and lungs collapse? I have. It’s painful. And I assure you, you do not want to laugh and get to that point. My condolences go out to the man in California who lost his life after experiencing the same pain I felt and currently feel. Who’s fault is it? Kim Jong Un and North Korea and their comedy act? Or the Media for putting something so incredibly hilarious on TV? My thought goes with the latter. Had the media not given that incredibly funny looking, oinky oinkster of a man air time with his toy missiles, I would not be in the hospital right now and an American would still be alive… Writing that almost made me laugh again… Ouch… My lung… My family and I would like to start a petition to prevent the media from giving North Korea any more news coverage, to prevent anymore deadly laugh attacks from occurring. Thank you, and god bless.
-Jim Beam, Sin City, Iowa
We here at the Garlic Tribune did not see the news coverage that caused the most recent laugh attack, but we were able to obtain a classified photo that we’d like to share. The photo attached to this article is one caught by US spy satellites and shows Kim Jong Un lubing up a pair of Tweezers in what appears to be an attempt by the supreme leader to perform self ejaculation while looking at a nuclear warhead dressed in a bikini. While this may not be as hysterical as North Korea threatening to strike the world with nukes, it sure is cause for concern. How is such a repulsive, soft bodied pug pulling on himself with tweezers still in power of a country?
After the release of the attached photo, North Korea sent us this e-mail statement:
Our Supleme reader rikes to rube up tweezers and rook at lockets. Big Dear? We have a nuke to brow you up, be scaled American scum. If you raugh you wirr pay.
Our condolences here at the Garlic Tribune go out to the families affected by North Korea’s Nuke threats. Please Like and share to spread the petition to ban North Korea from killing anyone else with laughter.