It’s been the trend for some years now- millennials and their gender reveal parties. Amidst weddings, graduation parties, bachelor/bachelorette parties, bridal showers, baby showers, birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays, it’s just one more log thrown onto an everlasting fire of events nobody wants to attend but are obligated to. Among the “me” generation is one Minnesota couple who is hoping to reinvent the new trend of gender reveal parties… By throwing it 6 years after the baby is born.
“Many of these gender reveal parties happen at the disposal of the baby’s future identity, before they are even born,” says Cheryl Anderson of South Minneapolis. “It’s these right-wing nut job millennials that choose the baby’s gender while the woman is still pregnant. You can’t pick a baby’s gender until they choose for themselves, everyone knows that. That’s why we waited to throw a gender reveal party until our little nugget told us what she was, it only took 6 years.”
SHE revealed to a crowd of family and friends last Saturday in NCAA football recruitment day style. There was an ice-cream cake on a table to the child’s right with an angry looking, white male in a business suit on it holding a football and a black machine gun, and then there was another cake, vanilla flavored, to the child’s left with a princess on it. When the time came to reveal, the child was told to pick a cake. After some deliberation and a few whispers into the ear, the child picked the cake on the left and her family and friends cheered.
“Let me tell you, if she picked white-male, I would have loved her differently. But honestly, I always knew she was a she. I saw her look at a barbie once, before she could talk, and that said it all. After that we started throwing feminine shit at her to make her feel comfortable in her own skin,” said the child’s father adjusting his nose ring while brushing back his dreadlocks to reveal his neck tattoo of a peace sign.
“Every day, before I can even take my morning leak, they say to me, ‘you can wear the dress, it’s okay.’ Literally every damn day. You know how annoying that is? Eventually I got so sick and tired of hearing that shit I just started picking the dress before they could say it,“ said Andy, the now transgender girl. “To shut them up for good I said I’d do their stupid party. Honestly, I don’t even know how it’s possible for me to be a girl when I have a wee-wee, but whatever. As long as this shuts my idiot parents up I’ll go with it.”
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